CHARACTER STUDY (I)

Today was one of those days where home felt so foreign and distant. Here I am at UCLA, freshman class and I should be excited and inspired by all that I'm surrounded by, but I can't help, but miss home. The home I miss isn't the beautiful, Spanish-styled building I spent my adolescent years in with its blooming flower baskets and balconies perfect for watching the sunrise and sunset. No, my home is the concrete building with flickering lights, chipped paint on the walls, the bacteria-infested fungus floors, and the splotched mirrors that lined the West wall. My dance studio at Allen Hancock College was my home. Yes, UCLA's campus impresses many with its traditional architecture, carefully designed outdoor landscapes, brilliant professors, etc, but not me. It just makes home feel even further away. Today, I'm paralyzed... my body cannot create words through movement like it used to because I'm homesick. I can't help, but feel like my voice is faded from the bustling of students and busy college life. The one thing that gave me confidence back home was dance. I was able to finally exist and be heard through movement unlike today as I lay in bed, homesick. Dance was my outlet. When words couldn't describe my happiness, pain, love, stress, and conflicted stream of consciousness then my body would become my words and create a language of my own. College is supposed to make me feel independent and free, but all I feel is trapped in this college life. Dance gave me an independence like no other.. freedom to move in any direction, pace, tempo, etc. and it didn't even need to require technique if you didn't want to. Sometimes the most awkward moves or choreography geared away from technique such as those used in Modern Dance allowed for creativity and a better connection to the imperfections of life. With dance, I was able to create whatever story with movement and beauty. It was all me. No technology was needed. I didn't have to depend on anyone or anything. As I sit here in my dorm, I watch students pass in the hall looking directly at their cell phones in hopes of having a voice through Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc. and it makes me miss dance even more. Dance brought back the essentials; body, mind, and soul. Out of all these students at UCLA, I hope there is someone out there who can relate. While everyone is lost in a world of technology to feel somewhat connected to their families back home, I get lost in my own thoughts where my words were my spoken through the physical language of dance. Wiggling my toes triggers my muscle memory and brings me back to the one place that allowed for my voice to be heard.